


For When You Wake Up

by flavourless_fiction



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Accident prior to start, Letters, M/M, Major Character Injury, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Serious Injuries
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-27
Updated: 2016-02-01
Packaged: 2018-04-23 15:30:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4882114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flavourless_fiction/pseuds/flavourless_fiction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been a month since the accident and Oikawa still hasn't woken up. Taking a suggestion from his seniors, Kageyama starts to write letters to him, expressing how he's been feeling since the accident and the events that have happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A month since it happened

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the first thing i've written and finished in quite awhile, given that I lost two separate pieces months ago and was in another country with no computer. There are too many excuses.

It’s been a month and they keep saying you’re going to wake up at any moment. They’ve said so for the last two weeks, it’s hard to believe that. There’s so many reasons as to why I can’t believe them. They are doctors, and there are those days where you will react to people talking, whether it be squeezing someone’s hand, even the slightest of changes in expression, I’m happy when that happens, those might happen only every so often, but it does give me hope that you’ll be okay. Although, the emotion that overwhelms me then, doesn’t compare to the times where your heart has fluttered, alarming everyone in the room, or the two occasions when your heart stopped all together. That’s what reminds me most of the accident, not the bandages or the bruises, but when everything seems to stop and all I can do is listen to an unnatural sound.

I’m only writing this because Daichi and Suga said I should try and clear my thoughts. I could write anything really and they’d probably believe that I did it. However, if Tsukishima found out he’d act superior and claim I was running away from everything again. By again I mean that after I got out of the hospital, which was two days after the accident, I hid. It was only in my house and some people did attempt to see me. However, I think my mother sent them away. I still don’t actually train either, I just sit up there and watch, not really talking to anyone, more observing. Ukai doesn’t seem to have a problem with it, there’s no official games for the next two months, so there’s not exactly a need for me, the others are able to learn the plays without me. I suppose it’s more mental than physical, yet I don’t have a doctor’s clearance either, there’s a week on that. Ukai would be more willing to let me train, however Takeda would definitely object.

I want to train, I promise you, I’m just not ready. I broke at one training, started crying into a volleyball, I think Yachi and Kiyoko may have noticed but they didn’t say anything. Everyone else was outside running laps, I wouldn’t have heard the end of it had they seen. Well they probably would have waited the appropriate amount of time for me to get over all of this, and then it would have been the never ending cycle of, ‘remember that time you cried into a volleyball?’ I like my team but they can be assholes at times. I suppose I could have we’re teammates but also rivals belief we had in middle school, although we could say that was detrimental to the team.

The big thing that leaves me trying to escape, is when someone asks why I was in the car with you in the first place. It’s never about being in the car really, it’s always about you. They think I’m too stupid to pick up on the hints. The only person that hasn’t interrogated me about being in that car was Iwaizumi, which I’m guessing is your fault because you can’t keep your mouth shut when it comes to him. Even if us being a secret was your idea.

I love you,

Tobio

 

 


	2. Tug Of War With Death

I went to visit you last night. It was weird, well it never feels normal but just more weird than it’s been in the past. I didn’t even talk to you, I just sat there, as did your friends. Iwaizumi looked scared the entire time, as though if he opened his mouth you’d die. There was a moment when I thought he was going to cry. I never thought he’d be so emotional about everything, he’s been the strongest out of all of us, always forcing a smile and calling you an idiot. Last night was nothing like that.

It all seems so final sometimes, that when I leave it’ll be the last time I see you, or it’ll be the last time before you’ve woken up. When I went on Saturday it really did seem final, in both respects. There was this moment that your eyes fluttered open, but then your heart stopped, everyone was removed from the room whilst they tried to restart it. It’s as though you’re constantly on the brink of death and we’re having a tug of war with death to keep you here. I like to think we’re winning but it doesn’t feel like that all the time.

I can’t stop thinking about the accident because of that. How you went from being fine and joking around and talking to me, and then suddenly nothing, I couldn’t even grab the wheel before the car went off the road and went into the tree. It was horrifying. I thought you were dead until they let me out of hospital, people kept avoiding my questions, or at best saying they didn’t know. I felt like a child, there is no better way to describe it. When people withhold information because it’s ‘for your own good’ and other excuses like that.

The only thing that has been really good in my life is that most of the fractures have healed, there’s still a slight fracture in my wrist they think but I’m not in a cast anymore. Which means maybe I’ll be allowed to play volleyball in the next week or so. I’ve just got to get confirmation on Tuesday as to whether I can or not.

I know in my last letter I said that I wasn’t ready, I’m still not if I’m being totally honest but having it as an option for something to do. That will make it so much better, at least now my doctor isn’t against me running, so I can participate in the warm up at training, which I do, do. Just so that I seem to everyone else that I’m feeling better and happier.

I don’t think the third years believe it though, Daichi and Suga always look at me with these worried looks and Suga is always telling me not to push myself too much. They’re good people but they don’t get that I need to be pushing myself, that I want to want to play again. You’d understand, considering how obsessed with beating Ushijima you were.

God just thinking about your rivalry with him is amusing, although it could be interpreted as one-sided, because of the stick Ushijima has up his butt that makes him think he has no rivals. He visited you though, didn’t say much to anyone, but he still came and talked about the fact that he admired you as a player. It surprised a lot of people apparently, I hadn’t been there when it happened but Iwaizumi and Hanamaki told me all about it. The one thing that Hanamaki really talked about in regards to that happening was that he was surprised that Ushijima didn’t mention the whole ‘you should have gone to Shiratorizawa’ line he always says to you. Except Hanamaki called it Shitorizawa instead.

I should sleep, it’s nearly 2am and I have to go to school tomorrow.

I love you,

Tobio


	3. You'll Never Play Again

I’m so tired, I feel like even though I get more than enough sleep at night and then sometimes in class as well, I’m never totally awake. That’s not completely true, at practice I’m a bit better, but I do still feel limited there. My doctor told me to avoid straining my wrist too much, because where it broke may still be fragile, turns out it is really painful to even practice serves. I’m not even getting to play in practice matches amongst the team, which puts the team with a setter with one less player because Ukai believes they have an advantage in having a setter. I don’t totally agree because they mix the teams up a lot but a team of six with Daichi, Nishinoya, Asahi, Tsukishima, Narita and Tanaka, should beat the others, unless that other team is having a very good day.

I haven’t cried in a few days, but that might be because I haven’t been to visit you, because that always seems to make me feel awful. Although I did drop my milk yesterday and Hinata ran over it, squirting it everywhere and I came very close… Instead of crying, I called him a dumbass and pushed him away from me. Apparently normal me is coming back. At least that was what Noya said. It makes me wonder if they had a plan to see how I would react.

I was talking to Iwaizumi the other night and he said that training didn’t really stop at Aoba Jousai, they had your second year setter fill in for you like what he did when you got injured. Although apparently he is more nervous than normal, it’s understandable really, I was nervous about going back to my own team, he has to fill your shoes. I know you don’t think you’re a genius but you’re still amazingly talented and not a single person on any of our teams has put the hours in that you have. I might be close though.

Speaking of talking to Iwaizumi, he did go to see you. Turns out you’re at the most stable you’ve been so far, without incident in over a week. He said that your parents heard from a doctor that you could potentially get taken off most support and get woken up naturally. Although he explained to me what they did during surgery, I didn’t understand most of it, it’s too complicated, I can barely pass most of my classes, I’m never going to pretend to understand major surgery. Anyway, Iwaizumi is under the impression that you’ll never be able to play volleyball again, or do a lot of things apparently. You can be my trophy boyfriend once I’m an Olympic medallist… provided you don’t end up fat. Because then people will just think you’re cute rather than them lusting after you. Actually get fat so then you won’t leave me for someone better looking.

That was borderline as bad as our personalities, just don’t leave me or more importantly forget that we’re together when you wake up. I watched an American movie where the couple got into an accident and the woman forgot who her husband was. I fell asleep halfway through but it was pretty sad. It was still crap though; American movies are so boring! Ennoshita’s films are a million times better.

I should probably stop writing now, class is over in five minutes and I think my teacher is going to get mad at me when she finds out I’ve been writing for the entire class and it isn’t a single piece of work.

I love you,

Tobio


	4. I'm Glad I Got Out Of Bed

This morning I woke up feeling like I was going to have a really bad day. You described it to me once before and said that if you woke up feeling like that, even though you wanted to roll over and sleep until tomorrow it was better that you didn’t. I’m really glad I took your advice.

School and practice weren’t really bad or good, but the fact that everything went smoothly certainly calmed me down a little bit. The feeling was still their sure, but I wasn’t as worried as I had been when I woke up. I don’t really know why either, because there were still plenty of other things going on aside from school and practice. It was nice though, just having everything go smoothly, I feel like that hasn’t happened in awhile, since before the accident even.

I haven’t gotten to the best part though, not long after training ended in the afternoon, Iwaizumi called me, saying that he was going to the hospital and wanted to know if I wanted to go. To be honest I haven’t gone in over a week because whenever I think to go by myself I end up being a coward and staying at home, watching old volleyball matches on the TV. I did go though, it was like he was moral support, just to get to the hospital. He filled me in on everything as well, how you had apparently been improving more than had been expected and nothing major had happened, apparently in the past week nothing had even gone wrong, not the slightest of hiccups.

That definitely made the unsettled feeling go away. It probably should have done the opposite but it was comforting to hear really good news about you for once.

Do you want to know what is even more comforting? That after sitting in that cramped hospital room, we watched your eyes flutter open and you remained stable. I’ve never seen Iwaizumi move so fast, he was sitting and then suddenly he was hitting the call button by your bed. You didn’t say anything and the doctors ushered us out pretty quickly so that they could contact your family but your eyes definitely moved from Iwaizumi to me and I think you knew who we were. I hope so at least.

I don’t really know how I reacted, my eyes feel heavy which I guess means I’m tired, or that I cried. Iwaizumi definitely did and he had snot on his upper lip, I’ll never forget that image. They did tell us that you did remain awake, which was the best news of the day. I’m honestly so glad that I did go, we weren’t doing anything different to what we normally did, just talking to you. Iwaizumi made a comment about five minutes before you woke up that you moved your hand, although apparently you’d done that a few times lately, whether it be your whole hand or just your fingers. I guess it was a sign that you really were coming back.

I think now that it’s settled in that you’re awake, that I’m genuinely happy, more than that perhaps. I just hope that you stay healthy and don’t go crashing back down before I get to speak to you again.

I love you,

Tobio

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't the end of the fic just because he woke up. I don't want to end it quite yet, I've grown quite attached and want to add a few more chapters.


End file.
